For the past six weeks I have been eyeballs-deep mediating a heck of a mess. The goal — an executive and company divorce — has so many interwoven business and emotional complexities that a bearable solution tied to an volatile transition seems like a rainbow jackpot: teasing, elusive, close yet unattainable.
But now we are really close. A deal is at hand.
On one side I represented a man whose entire professional career — going on three decades — has been devoted to building a successful, thriving, and much respected brand.
On the other side I represented an agitated, discontent, and wildly opinionated board of directors. On the heels of an unexpected bad year, the board was irate; it voted for a change at the top. It ousted the long-time CEO.
The board made this decision eight months ago, followed by separation negotiations that dragged sideways through eight months of contentious back and forth. Neither side gained or yielded an inch. The longer the mess dragged out, the deeper both sides sank in corporate quicksand.
I was working on a writing project when the telephone rang. One hour and passionate conference call later, I agreed to jump into the fray. At stake was far more than one man’s ego, severance, and transition. Hanging in the balance and tied to the outcome were hundreds of jobs.
Pressure was part of my deal. The eight wasted months had heightened the urgency of crafting an acceptable solution. The time for posturing had expired, the time for a deal already overdue.
Pressure is commonly quoted to do two things: burst pipes and make diamonds. How we handle pressure tests our mettle, skills, patience, and self-belief. It is here — extreme pressure — that I have seen mighty men fall. Inspiring are those of lesser repute who seize a tough opportunity, do not blink, and take a long step forward. Courage under fire, a most admirable trait.
We all face tough, bitter choices from situations expected or unexpected. Regardless how big a mess floods our lives, when it arrives we must take action.
Necessary action often involves bitter decisions or undesirable consequences. Because of that, learning how to handle these life-changing, crossroad scenarios is vital.
The advice I share during times like these was taught to me a decade or so ago by Lonnie Owens, a Paris, Kentucky bloodstock advisor. I was new to the Thoroughbred horse breeding business and Lonnie was trying to protect my wallet.
The race horse industry is built around buying and selling, so anyone entering the business must learn to “cowboy up” pretty quickly. If he or she does not, they will not last long. They will be fleeced or intimidated and run out by sundown.
Lonnie pointed out a fundamental baseline all horsemen accept when they enter the game.
“You never sell one high enough and you never buy one low enough,” he said. “If you can live with that, you can make it. If you can’t live with that, you won’t.”
Few things are more fun than a spirited horse auction, especially when your horse is in the ring with multiple bidders intent on taking him or her home. When the numbers keep flashing higher and higher, the feeling is totally electric. You can make a wheelbarrow full of money in two minutes or less.
The flip side of success in the auction ring is failure, spotlighted by what my pal ByrneDogg calls “the walk of shame.” The walk of shame is when a horse is led into the auction ring and no one cares. Zero bids. A pleading auctioneer in a room of dead air. The gavel falls and your horse is led back out. Not only have you lost a bundle, you now must trailer it back and keep throwing more money at its keep — day after day, week after week — until you finally figure out a way to move a horse no one wants somewhere down the road.
Because of the highs and lows of buying and selling, Lonnie also coached me on a far more important rule that applies way beyond horse trading. It is a valuable life lesson he learned it from his late father, also a horseman.
“You got to live by the three-day rule,” Lonnie said. “When you to make a tough decision or take a loss, it’s allowed to bother you for three days. But that’s all. After three days, it’s not allowed to bother you.”
These, of course, are words to live by.
We all have to make tough and sometimes bitter decisions in life and business. Successfully dealing with them hinges on three keys:
- Having the guts to make the call,
- Living by the 3-day rule,
- And then living (or working) with an urgent desire to distance yourself from yesterday. Dwelling on negativity is a toxic waste. Move on quickly.
I used Lonnie’s 3-day rule on both sides of my mediation tug-of-war. I reminded them that success is something neither side likes but both can live with; and once we reach it, the result is allowed to bother everyone involved for three full days — but not one minute longer.
When we get to the acceptance stage of the post-deal emotional journey and that fourth sunrise crawls up from the equator, all we see is what is now possible.
Remember Lonnie’s 3-day rule. It will come in handy throughout the rest of your life.