Patience is the capacity for waiting—an admirable quality that helps us tolerate the gap between what we have and what we want without becoming upset. The word patience originated from Latin, from pati, which means to endure, bear or suffer. People these days don’t study dead languages like Latin; they’re too busy and don’t have the, um, patience.
Our deepening reliance on technology is shortening attention spans and fueling a voracious cultural preference for immediate gratification. While patience has never come easily for some, it is becoming increasingly difficult for far too many millions more. The reason why is cause and effect: When an attention span relentlessly contracts, its willingness to re-expand creates a pronounced behavioral conflict.
The economic meltdown we’ve been slogging through showcases this principle. In the days of plenty and easy money, “Buy now, pay later” grew from being an option into a lifestyle. People are now pulling back, delaying and avoiding what would have previously been a reactionary get-it-now impulse. When I was in India a few years ago, credit lines were just coming into vogue for young professionals. For the very first time the lure of easy-to-get money caused a culture rift in one of the world’s most populous and structured societies. For centuries Indian culture dictated its people only purchased with cash. People would save for years or decades and only proceed to buy once they had accumulated enough money. Debt was avoided, not encouraged.
Leveraging in India is a very recent phenomenon; it did not previously exist. When the use of OPM (Other People’s Money) suddenly became a viable option to millions of young professionals, lenders and finance companies jammed a lever into the gears of a fabled society. Why wait decades to live in a nice home or drive a nice car if I can borrow the money now? Generations that grew up with one set of strict societal beliefs were forced to confront a new generation that grew up with an expansive array of get-it-now options. Saving takes patience. Leveraging does not. A culture clash thundered.
Rather than grumble over our growing lack of collective patience, a bigger and more troubling question is, “Is patience even necessary?” The answer is “of course.” If you want to reach goals, you need patience. If you want to remain happily married, you need patience. If you want to become truly happy with who you are—deep down, from the inside out rather than by keeping score based on the materialistic trappings of your surroundings—you’ll need patience.
Most things in life that create lasting emotional value take time. This past weekend I was in northern Kentucky for a niece’s wedding and silently wished plenty of patience for the bride and groom. If they have it, harmony can rule and they can make it. If they don’t, time will convert marital conflicts into emotional bumper cars and the action will be relentless until one or both tire of the conflicts that come from playing the game.
But patience does not always yield what we want, when we want it. The day before the wedding, I raced a young Thoroughbred filly I’ve invested nearly four years bringing into the world and, finally, to the starting gate. A beautiful, correct, young racehorse, she finished last. Getting angry at her, the rider, or trainer won’t solve anything. Being more patient and letting her grow and mature might. Then again, it might not. We are hoping she’s still trying to figure everything out. Horses, like people, mature differently. Patience may bring sunshine. Impatience brings just rain.
Becoming more patient produces a lot of good things. For example:
• Happiness is easier to find and retain. When we’re angry less frequently or to lower degrees, stress levels go down. Since logic can never overlay emotion, it’s always smart to stay in a positive place.
• We make better decisions. Pros and cons get blurry when we’re too impatient to focus on both clearly. This is very common when we rush through things that are outside our normal routines and comfort levels.
• Empathy becomes a tool on your tool belt, not an accidental occurrence. Empathy makes us better listeners, parents, coaches, mentors, and friends. Interpersonal relationships strengthen and gain value.
• We get better at things that truly matter. A great example is baseball star Cal Ripken Jr. When Junior and his younger brother Bill were growing up, their dad—longtime Oriole coaching legend Cal Ripken Sr.—insisted the boys practice endlessly and perfectly. Cal Senior was cliché-driven, and one of his favorite lines to his sons was, “Rome wasn’t built in a day.” Through repetition and hard work, the Ripken brothers practiced baseball for thousands of hours more than you can possibly imagine. Bill had limited physical skills yet carved out a good Major League career. Junior became a living legend. Neither brother cut a corner. They worked, worked, and worked some more. And when everyone else went home, they went back out and worked some more. The Ripken brothers patiently trusted that the time they invested would make them better at all the little things that mattered. Time proved them right. Patience transformed both men’s lives.
How to become more patient:
1. Become acutely aware of when you’re feeling impatient.
2. Once you feel it, figure out why you feel that way. Patience is not an unchangeable ordination. Patience is a behavioral choice. We are empowered to own it as important and substitute logic for emotion or decide it’s unimportant and act as irrationally as we care to. Rising impatience is an behavioral trap that too many people are oblivious to. Don’t make that mistake. Own its existence and understand its origin. Regain emotional control.
3. Respect patience as a valuable lifestyle choice, a personal discipline. Being impatient can negatively impact things beyond our control but rarely can impact them positively. Although we are free to get as angry or irritated as we want, what’s the point? Do not step into emotional quicksand. Patience is the smarter, easier choice. Make it and take it.
4. Own patience as an area of increasing personal strength. Like all versatile and valuable life skills, managing patience smartly comes in handy throughout every stage of life. Consciously strive to get good at it. Just because behavioral trends of the masses are going south in some areas of life does not mean we must follow.
Throughout our lives many pursuits demand patience. Whether we’re talking about improving physical fitness, becoming a better professional, learning to be a standout musician, being a skilled fisherman, or becoming a true matriarch or patriarch while raising a family, each demands patience. So too will some of the tougher things life dumps on us, like dealing with grief or a medical setback. Disciplined patience has multiple, interchangeable life skill utility that can help us enjoy happier and more fulfilling lives.
Whether we prefer to quote Moliere, who said, “The trees that are slow to grow bear the best fruit,” or the Chinese proverb, “Patience is power; with time and patience the mulberry leaf becomes a silk gown,” ours is not the first generation to struggle with the frustrations of waiting.
A century and a half ago Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote,“The years teach what the days never know.” Ralph patiently wrote that opinion longhand and, even today, he’s still 100 percent right.