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Ocean Palmer

The Official Site of Ted Simondinger

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Archives

News Fit for a Monday

October 24, 2010 by Ocean Palmer Leave a Comment

So begins another week at the saw mill. In honor of Mondays everywhere, here are ten (true) vignettes abridged from News of the Weird to help you launch your day. 1. You only get one mom In a heartwarming climax to an adopted son’s emotional search for his birth mother who gave him up for […]

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Filed Under: Humor, Uncategorized

Why Coaching Matters

September 30, 2010 by Ocean Palmer Leave a Comment

It was a normal Wednesday. Hump Day they call it. I straggled home at sundown to see a police car parked in front of the house. A policeman was at the door; another stood against the wall, hidden out of sight. My neighbor had called and complained about my dog barking. She wanted them to […]

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Filed Under: Humor, Influencing Behaviors, Jobs, Life Skills

News Fit for a Monday

August 9, 2010 by Ocean Palmer Leave a Comment

Dog Eats Man. In a story that makes us all feel extra special about the bond between man and dog, a Jack Russell terrier in Michigan saved his owner’s life by gnawing off the guy’s big toe. The toe was infected and about to become gangrenous; and dogs are known to sense substances like cancer […]

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Filed Under: Humor

Monday’s Lighter Side of the News

June 14, 2010 by Ocean Palmer Leave a Comment

As the new week dawns, here’s a sampling of who we’re competing against: British tennis pro Robert Dee, feeling humiliated at being called the “world’s worst tennis pro” by London’s Daily Telegraph (and other news organizations) sued the newspaper for libel. After studying Dee’s pro record and taking testimony, the judge tossed out the lawsuit. […]

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Filed Under: Humor

How to Impress A Stranger at a Cocktail Party

June 5, 2010 by Ocean Palmer Leave a Comment

Fake intellect is fun, especially at a social mixer. Whenever you want to make a great impression, matter-of-factly rattle off the history behind the name of each weekday and explain the origin of months. Close with an obtuse segue to the reason four percent of men dress funny. Here’s what you need to know: Days […]

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Filed Under: Humor

For Some, the Earth Wobbles

April 30, 2010 by Ocean Palmer Leave a Comment

PUNXSUTAWNEY, Pa. — Police charged a Pennsylvania man with public drunkenness after he was seen trying to resuscitate a long-dead opossum along a highway northeast of Pittsburgh. State police said several witnesses saw a 55-year-old man near the animal, refuting earlier reports it was Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger. One witness reported the man kneeling before […]

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Filed Under: Humor

Ronald McDonald Threatened by Idiot

April 29, 2010 by Ocean Palmer Leave a Comment

As America sleeps, a battle royale continues. In one corner, Nick Guroff, a self-appointed spokesman from Chicago who shills for a group called “Corporate Accountability International;” in the other corner, a facepainted clown named Ronald McDonald. Guroff’s prganization prides itself on “protecting people and saving lives” by “waging and winning campaigns challenging corporate abuses.” The […]

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Filed Under: Humor

More News Fit for a Monday

April 26, 2010 by Ocean Palmer Leave a Comment

Maybe it’s how Rembrandt started. In 2005, News of the Weird reported bustling sales for artist Erin Crowe’s series of oil paintings of Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan, who at the time was riding high. Greenspan-worshipping money managers quickly bought up Crowe’s inventory for thousands of dollars each. A Wall Street Journal reporter tracked down […]

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Filed Under: Humor

News Fit for a Monday

April 6, 2010 by Ocean Palmer Leave a Comment

Uma Thurman’s new film “Motherhood” is an epic flop at the U.K. box office: Only one Brit went to watch the movie on March 7, and the film  grossed an embarrassing $132 for the entire weekend. Thurman plays a stressed mom struggling  to balance parenting and  career. The film grossed a microscopic $60,000 in the […]

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Filed Under: Humor

Tiger Woods, Meet Groucho Marx

April 1, 2010 by Ocean Palmer 2 Comments

In one of the most famous of sixteen movies the Marx Brothers made, A Day at the Races, Groucho stars as Hugo Z. Hackenbush, a horse veterinarian who impersonates the doctor of a sanatorium in danger of bankruptcy. Highlights include an insane phone call to Florida, brother Chico selling race tips, Groucho’s nutty medical exams, […]

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Filed Under: Humor, Uncategorized

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