Dual career couples outnumber sole income providers in current family structures. This is especially true in work corridors such as the West Coast, New York, Baltimore-Washington, Chicago, and Denver.
While the pursuit of wealth is good, dual careers restrict mobility. Roughly 600,000 annual corporate relocations involve dual-career couples, many of which are necessary uprootings triggered by succession planning and logistics.
With these busy two-career relationships come challenges beyond scheduling and day care. So grab a pen and sheet of paper and let’s diagram the three catalysts of chaos.
They are:
- The individual dynamic.
- The dual dynamic.
- The principle of absorption.
The individual dynamic. Draw three interlocking circles the size of a quarter, one above the other two. The three circles should resemble a pyramid with interlocking rings, like a mini Olympic logo.
Label the top circle “Self.” Identify the two circles below as “Work” and “Family.”
These three slightly shingled circles, somewhat intertwined but largely independent, represent the personal dynamics of the life Person #1 is living due to having a job. These three circles represent our work, family, and personal “universes” that intertwine and encompass our lives.
Having a job creates overlap among all circles: between self and work, work and family, family and self. These overlaps are connections; and because of the job all three relationships connect by varying degrees.
In the center of the three circles, in the spot where all three overlaps meet, draw a dime-sized circle. Label it “Person.”
Although each category — Self, Work, and Family — has some degree of overlap with the other, each also features a greater degree of non-overlapping independence. Independence is represented by the free areas outside the overlap.
Independence of Self, for example, represents our “personal space.”
Independence of Work is what we do that is largely an internalized experience.
Independence of Family is when we are engaged in family events and interactions outside our personal needs. We are not self-absorbed; we are involved in immediate and extended familial matters that feature, engage, and celebrate others.
This diagram, as you’ve now drawn it, represents a working person’s life.
The dual dynamic. The second working partner also has three overlapping circles, plus one extra twist: a Familial overlap connects his or her interactions with those of their partner.
Apart from that slight “Family/Family” overlap connection, the second partner’s set of overlapping circles is independent of their partner’s. Other than the familial overlap, their experiences are uniquely theirs.
Absorption. Absorption is the degree to which a worker is engaged and consumed by his or her work. Workforces typically have four “buckets” of workers: disengaged, somewhat disengaged, somewhat engaged, and fully engaged. Fully engaged workers are totally absorbed. Disengaged workers are not.
Absorption, therefore, ties to engagement. Attitudinally and behaviorally, both workers in the dual career lifestyle will range somewhere between Highly Absorbed (if “fully engaged”) and Not Absorbed (if totally “disengaged”).
Highly Absorbed workers are eyeballs-deep in the corporate pursuit, to the extent they neglect other areas of life and relationship. Time, energy, and effort are invested so greatly they are out of skew with what’s needed to maintain other areas of life balance.
There are four potential absorption combinations for a working couple: both can be Highly Absorbed, both can be Not Absorbed, or there are two combinations where one is Highly Absorbed (career-minded) while the other is Not Absorbed (job-minded, not career-minded).
Here are the ups and downs of each:
Dual Career pitfalls. Both partners are lost in their work, investing overt amounts of time, emotion, stress, and energy. Everything complicates — from the simplest of daily logistics to the basic tasks like dining and cleaning — and these complications can cause major friction in the relationship. Also at risk is who wins and who loses in the case of corporate relocations. Uprooting dual-career couples is very difficult. Money versus Someone is a real relationship-tester. In Dual Career couples, money often wins with the couple being the casualty.
One Career, One Job. These relationships are most common. One partner’s work is central, the other is considered supplementary. These career constructions create far less relationship stress than Dual Career couples. These workers also are easier to promote and relocate.
Two Jobs, Little Investment. Both partners have lives way beyond what they do to earn money and typically these relationships protect lifestyle and quality of life over work style. Both partners are less angst-ridden and identify less with a “career” than others who are driven by it. Consequently these couples are more flexible than others, which is often beneficial to employers.
4 Keys to Success Managing Two Career Households
Four things help maintain harmony. They are:
- Agree to your partner’s right (or need) to pursue his or her own career. Never suppress someone’s desire to grow.
- Commit to greater flexibility. At home or in the office, respect the need to be flexible. Do not argue about it: two jobs require flexibility.
- Streamline and simplify logistics. Zone your work, zone your life. Zoning is paying strict attention to circle routes and expediency when running errands and completing necessary chores. Plan, use lists, and execute. Avoid zigzags and backtracking. Shop when needed, not by routine. Most importantly: Never make a big deal out of a little thing.
- Develop career competencies. By continually investing in themselves, smart workers consistently build equity and value in their employability. Strong couples support and encourage their partner’s personal and professional growth. Doomed ones suppress or prevent it.
Dual careers often offer financial perks but those perks will come at a price if we are not careful about managing our lives and relationships smartly.
Support each other, be good to each other, and above all respect each other.
Teams find and enjoy greater success than isolated workers. Grow the team. You’ll never regret it.