According to recent published research, loneliness is increasing. Despite technology’s instant access to everyone everywhere, researchers have identified three periods of adulthood when moderate-to-severe feelings of loneliness tend to spike:
- Our late-twenties.
- Our mid-fifties.
- Our late-eighties.
One of the big surprises researchers discovered is that three-fourths of all study participants reported moderate-to-high levels of loneliness.
Dr. Dilip Jeste of UC San Diego ran the study and pointed out that loneliness is subjective. “Loneliness does not mean being alone,” he said. “Loneliness does not mean not having friends.” Jeste defined loneliness as, “Subjective distress, the discrepancy between the social relationships you want and the social relationships you have.”
Jeste also sees an inverse relationship between loneliness and wisdom. “People who have high levels of wisdom didn’t feel lonely,” he said, and vice versa.”
Since wisdom generally includes a heightened sense of mindful awareness, this is good news for those of us who teach and preach behavioral insight as life’s key enabler to happy (and/or contented) navigation.
Dr. Vivek Murthy, former United States Surgeon General, says the life-shortening impact of loneliness is similar to smoking nearly a pack of cigarettes each day.
There is no surprise that one of life’s loneliest times is old age. Friends and family pass on, mortality takes a physical toll, and things that used to be easy are suddenly difficult or impossible.
The bigger surprise during the research came from the spikes identified at the two other stages of life. A person in his or her late-twenties is susceptible to major decision-making, as well as life comparisons with peers, along with second-guessing choices that were or were not made. While it is never good to measure your interior against someone else’s exterior, life comparisons are a common challenge among young adults.
Jeste identifies the mid-fifties as the “midlife crisis period.” I have long held that a man’s midlife crisis comes at the point where his intellectual growth intersects with his declining physical peak. Friends start dying, things start hurting, and the realization of mortality’s fragility sets in. We know more but can do less. Frustration with midlife realities cause the crisis.
The third crisis period, a person’s eighties, is the most obvious of the three periods. Burying those you love while dealing with financial and medical issues is no fun for anyone.
Jeste’s most surprising finding was the 76 percent prevalence of moderate-to-severe loneliness. Men and women felt equally lonely and to the same degree. This means all of us are equally susceptible to the physical and emotional declines that loneliness causes, as well as cognition.
Sunshine, he said, can come from wisdom, which is the application of lessons learned through experience. Jeste and his team broke ‘wisdom’ down into six components and measured all six with each of their 340 study subjects. Their six components were:
- General knowledge of life.
- Emotion management.
- Empathy and compassion.
- Altruism and a sense of fairness.
- Insight and the acceptance of divergent
- Decisiveness: the ability to make quick, effective decisions when necessary.
Wisdom, the researchers found, provides loneliness protection. The pursuit and accumulation of wisdom is smart not only from a practical perspective but is also an investment in personal well-being.
Loneliness is dangerous. Emotional isolation is a known risk factor for cognitive decline, cardiovascular disease, high blood pressure, disability, and depression. What is still to be determined is whether or not declines and setbacks can be reversed through intervention. If so, combating loneliness and improving our well-being can perhaps prolong life.
It is sad but true that opioid abuse, suicide, and loneliness have risen to what most health professionals consider epidemic levels. Societal stress has increased and will continue to increase. Blame can be placed on the forced changes and accelerated velocity of digital reliance and innovation, the impact of technology on behavior and happiness, and lives that seem busier than ever but somehow empty or non-fulfilling.
Invest in the six wisdom pillars shared above. The time you invest will always pay off.