Common Traits of Likeable People

part 1 of 2

(note: part 2 will cover “Unlikeable Traits”)

I recently worked with a client company where the curriculum turned from the topic of first impressions to likeability. As a group exercise I asked the class to develop of list of likeable traits.

They listed 19. I added a few. Shown below is a comprehensive roster of 35 likeable traits.

As you review the list, decide if the described trait is part of your daily personal brand — meaning others would definitely agree if asked about you. If so, circle or check the word.

Sincere. Whether it’s in the eyes, the smile, or the tone of voice — sincerity is tough to fake for long.

Confident. Confident is the more modest cousin of arrogance. Often found slow-dancing with competence.

Open-minded. Malleable, bendable and adaptable thoughts, views, and methods increase versatility and effectiveness.

Caring. However you prove it, demonstrated acts of kindness are always appreciated.

Happy. And why not? After all, happiness is a choice. Best of all, it’s free.

Friendly. The secret of having a lot of friends is to be one first. If you are friendly toward others, they will reciprocate. If you wait for others to approach you, you will limit your friendship circle. Be proactive: Lasso the meek.

Funny (or laughs easily). Not everyone is funny — it’s sort of an inborn attribute — but almost all have a sense of humor. Laughing releases endorphins, which make us feel better. No matter how troubled someone may be at the time, when he or she is laughing, their troubles are temporarily forgotten.

Outgoing. Outgoing folks are comfortable in groups and when meeting someone new. Since some of us are uncomfortable in both of those settings, it’s nice to be engaged by someone who is.

Attractive. When the class put this one on the list, I chuckled. Several years ago I read the results of an opinion survey that sought to measure “attractiveness.” The gist of the results were that 80 percent of people think they are better looking than, well, 80 percent of people. Since beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and thank heaven for that, the reason this trait often appears on lists like this goes back to primal desires and mating. Fair or not, looks help.

Interested/interesting. When we engage with others and demonstrate sincerity for the messages we see or hear, the sender feels valued. Conversely, if we switch transmissions — we are the sender and they are the receiver — when we share something they value, we stoke a positive curiosity by adding insight or value.

Warm-feeling. Warm or cold, everyone gives off vibes. The room warms either when we walk in … or when we walk out.

Trustworthy. Trust is a light switch, not a birthright. Someone turns it on; and someone turns it off. Once you’ve got it — but lose it — trust is awful darn tough to regain.

Intelligent. To me intelligence falls in the same opinion category as good looks. Many believe they are surrounded by a merry-go-round of idiots — but they most certainly could never be one. Intelligence comes in various forms: book smarts, street smarts, common sense, and niche expertise. Seek and celebrate all.

Positive. Navigating life requires choosing between two paths. One is marked, “How can we?” The other says, “Can’t because.” Positive people live in a How Can We world. Attitude is a choice. It’s easy to like positive people.

Family-acceptant. Traditional family structure is being supplanted by situational design. Who’s to say what’s right or wrong?

Flexible. If the recession taught us anything…it’s that we can either roll with comes toward us or stick to rigid beliefs.

Creative. Whether art, business, or ideas, creativity inspires thought, discussion, and positive change.

Engaging. People who are easy to interact with foster feelings of comfort and warmth.

Well-rounded. However gained — through travel, education, relocation, or life experiences — multiple perspectives are usually respected and often admired.

Diverse. A person who lives with a panorama of thoughts, feelings, and experiential history is often fun to meet with.

Humble. Who’s to judge what we are or are not? Certainly not us. We judge ourselves by our intentions. Others judge us by our actions.

Accepting/non-judgmental. Our map of the world is formed by collective experiences between the ages of 0-to-13. Since each of us comes to adulthood with a completely different set of core beliefs, who’s to judge one upbringing as right or a different one wrong? Personal power is fueled by understanding more and judging less.

Kind. Talk is cheap. Kindness is proved. It’s hard not to like a kind person.

Polite. In an increasingly “me first” world, this is a “you first” approach.

Caring. People say it more often than they do it. Be a doer.

Conscientious. Do you live with a steady discipline of buttoning things up?

Supportive. Cheer and enable the success of others. Appreciate the talent and greatness of others.

A giver. As the Dalai Lama would say, “Do more, want less.” Do more for others, require less for yourself.

Approachable. Teddy bear or grizzly bear: Which are you?

WYSIWYG (What You See Is What You Get). I often teach that as each of us goes through life each we juggle three heads. One is how we want to appear to others. The second is how we do appear to others — how strongly we seek their approval. And the third head we juggle is who we really are. WYSIWYG people embody the third. They are grounded in who they are and care less about image projection or catering to the judgment and opinions of others.

Willingly change. Change is relentless and for it we can thank the economy and technology. You can fight change or embrace it. People who willingly change get to the acceptance stage — which leads to the flourish stage — quicker than others. I find this a very admirable trait.

Thoughtful. Little things are big things, especially to the recipient. 

Motivated. Motivation comes from within. Self-motivated people achieve more than those who are not.

Passionate. You can’t fake passion. Either you have it or don’t. And if you don’t, you want to find it somewhere in your life. Drifting through life rudderless is a wasted way of growing old.

Well-spoken. The unabridged English dictionary has about 455,000 words in it but most of us use fewer than 15,000. Command of the language — and a respect that profanity is the language of youth — is often perceived as admirable. To expand your vocabulary, get off the Internet. Invest your time reading well-written books and periodicals.

 

Count up the number of Likeable traits you identified as core planks to your personal brand. Next we’ll look at “Unlikeable Traits.” Then we’ll examine both scored results.

(next: “Unlikeable Traits)