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Summer Movies: A Dozen One-Sentence Reviews

August 19, 2014 by Ocean Palmer Leave a Comment

I write screenplays and rarely watch TV but love to go the movies. This is the summer season, so our local cinemas are sprinkled with little films, niche releases, foreign imports, and blow-’em-up, smash ’em up big budget action films. The pickings are hit and miss.

Below are one-sentence reviews for a dozen recent releases. Some are forgettable but a couple, if you can find them, are terrific. One in particular (“The Extraordinary Tale”) will be in limited released around the USA later this year, so make sure to go if it comes to an art house cinema near you.

I rate movies with a five-finger rating system. Five is a superb film, four means excellent, three is “just a movie,” two is not worth seeing at retail price, and — since dignity prohibits giving a super-bad film a bold 1-finger — a truly bad film scores a big, fat 0: the Dreaded Fist of Badness. Films earning The Fist are so bad we should get our ticket money refunded and thump-whump everyone responsible for foisting such bad cinema upon an unsuspecting public.

Let’s raise the curtain on a dozen summer features that are still out and about.

Life Itself – 3 fingers. This documentary about the life of late film critic Roger Ebert is more grim than celebratory as it dwells on his gruesome final months rather than his remarkable career.

The Extraordinary Tale (of the times table) – 5 fingers. This quirky, low budget, one location Spanish story about an oddball couple not cut out to be parents is unique, finely crafted, memorable, and in many wonderful ways—extraordinary. (note: A must-see for cinephiles!)

Lucy – 3 fingers.  The computer work in this Scarlett Johansson star vehicle far outpaces the high concept story of a girl who is implanted with a narcotics ring’s superdrug, so unless you feel like paying to watch 90 minutes of close-ups of a very pretty woman you might want to pass.

A Most Wanted Man – 4 fingers.  This is Philip Seymour Hoffman’s final starring role and by the time the credits roll in this turn-the-tables spy adaptation from a John Le Carre novel, we already realize how much we will miss him.

Boyhood – 5 fingers. Filmed over 12 years, writer/director Richard Linklater’s astonishing slice of life reality pic traces a flawed divorced family as bickering parents and two resilient children grow up right before our eyes, from first graders to high school graduates.

Wish I Was Here – 0 fingers (the Dreaded Fist of Badness).  A complete waste of time advertised as a “comedy/drama” that is woefully absent of both.

Calvary – 4 fingers.  A Best Actor Oscar nomination awaits Brendan Gleeson in this powerful drama set in a small Irish town that deals with the grim realities of collateral damage stemming from widespread sexual predation by Catholic priests.

Guardians of the Galaxy — 4 fingers. As far as sci-fi action films go that rely on special effects rather than set designers, this fun two-hour film with a talking raccoon, personality challenged mumbling tree, and green Zoe Saldana reminds of the original Star Wars and is far better than most in its genre.

Magic in the Moonlight — (barely) 2 fingers. This limp effort proves Colin Firth does not have the comedic nuance and chops for Woody Allen’s dialogue and features a boring lack of chemistry between Firth and mismatched co-star Emma Stone.

The Hundred-Foot Journey — 2 fingers. If ever a director and film suffered from studio meddling, the result is showcased here as Lasse Hallstrom was forced to use a remarkably bad third act in a dreadful film about across-the-street ethnic restaurant rivals in rural France.

The Dog – 4 fingers. This superb documentary about one of the oddest men to ever inspire a movie — Oscar-winning bank robbery film Dog Day Afternoon (starring Al Pacino) — is beautifully made and also reveals the story of a remarkably loyal mother who stood by her loose bazooka of a carefree son from the day he was born ‘til the day he passed away.

What If – 2 fingers.  The biggest plus in this weak romantic comedy that telegraphs every scene and has too many holes to earn a recommendation comes from Daniel Radcliffe, whose progression as an actor continues to be fun to watch.

There are a couple great ones here, hope you get to see them. So until next time, let’s all follow the golden rule: no cell phones in the theater (please!). Thanks! Hope you pick a good one and enjoy a fun night out.

 

 

 

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