Like 9/11, Hurricane-turned-Superstorm Sandy bodyslammed a nation Monday, pulverizing the northeastern seaboard with the force of billions in damages with dozens of lives lost.
For millions, cleanup and recovery will be long and difficult. Problems no one dreamed of a week ago are now floating around the neighborhood.
Whenever we are forced to deal with a tragedy of this magnitude, it is vital to take ownership of our thoughts and manage our heads. Three types of worries will flood the mind:
- things we can control,
- things we cannot control, and
- things we can only influence.
Since the mind handles these three types of worries differently, it is important to worry about the right things. If we don’t, we can disappear under an avalanche of stress.
Focusing on things we can control — principally our own actions — are good. Things we cannot control — for example, the enormity of the situation — are bad.
Our mind processes uncontrollables in a very toxic way: We flash forward through a growing series of hypothetical “what if” situations and worry ourselves sick. One hypothetical builds upon the next; and the cumulative weight of all these hypothetical what-ifs — which, by the way, almost never occur — creates increasing forces of stress that serve to shove us down the dark staircase of hopelessness and depression.
Influence issues are in the middle, part controllable but part uncontrollable. Post-Sandy it’s important not to carry the weight of these around. Separate what can be controlled from what cannot. Own the part that can beccontrolled and jettison the rest.
Worrying about only those things we can control is smart because then our head is full of things we have the ability to address. Our emotional positioning is good. If something bugs us enough, we can step up, take action, and address it.
It takes discipline during a time of crisis to own your thoughts. As I often coach my corporate students, “Just because something has access to your mind does not mean that he, she, or in this case — it — has the right to be there.”
Stepping back and taking stock of what we have is good. Being grateful for what we have, and worrying less about what we don’t, is good. Worrying about lost or damaged things will not bring them back, nor will things ever return to the way they were. We are here, today, in this moment, surrounded by tough, stressful times that are temporary. This too shall pass.
Chaos breeds confusion, especially in the mind, so it’s really vital to own your personal air space. You are also empowered to decide how to deal with a new reality.
In this regard I coach others to treat their minds like a castle, complete with a moat and drawbridge. Chaos makes the mind an open bar. We don’t need a mind as messy as an open bar. We need a mind safe and secure, like a castle.
The castle is your mind, the moat its protective ability to guard against unwanted thoughts or damaging ideas. The drawbridge is your safety mechanism. Lower it to sweep out the noise and bad thoughts; and then raise the drawbridge back up to protect your thoughts.
Staying cool in a tough situation can be challenging but tough times are an opportunity to lead, coach, and encourage others. Since panic creates only more stress, a level head that’s focused on the right things will help you and the people you care about get back on solid emotional ground as quickly as possible.
Protect your castle. Stay balanced. Focus on what you can control and ignore the rest. Make decisions based on A, B, and C priorities. An A priority is most important, a B priority is secondary, and a C priority is an issue of convenience but lesser importance.
If you see a friend or neighbor struggling to cope with the stress of this catastrophic event, reach out and help. Coach them through the process. A lot of work will be required to get through this mess but not all of the work is physical labor.
Much of it, the really important part, is mind management.
Lend a hand. And a heart.