For the past four months I have been buried in two projects on opposites sides of the world that share an identical key component: managing perceptions. The deeper I’ve disappeared inside this work and research, the more exciting the topic has mushroomed.
From a learning perspective, I will break down Perceptions into three segments:
- How perceptions are formed.
- How perceptions are or are not affirmed.
- How perceptions can change.
Today I share the first: how perceptions are formed.
Three things shape perceptions:
- Accumulated data points
- Maps & Lenses
- Expectations
Accumulated data points. Since perceptions are conclusions we draw about people, places, and things, a wheelbarrow full of accumulated information feeds our minds with information and stimuli that percolate before eventually simmering into drawn conclusions.
For example, the more closely we follow our favorite local sports team, the wider and deeper our observations and information base grows. The more movies we see, the more opinionated we grow about what constitutes a good script, bad actor, memorable score, or fabulous director.
Unfortunately, not all data points are fact-based. Opinions shape perceptions, too. This is not good, as it is very easy to convince someone of your point of view if you frame an opposing one in a hypothetical world of fear. TV’s talking heads are masters at this; and because of that, the nation’s collective good suffers. As our upcoming elections draw near, pay attention to the fear-mongering approaches you see and hear. They will surround you, because fear inspires results quicker than positive possibilities. Politicians know this and campaign strategists take full advantage.
Having just returned from my fifth trip to the Middle East, my ever-expanding experiences have stockpiled a million data points I did not have before my first trip over. I am now of the opinion that too many Americans carry negative perceptions of the Middle East that are shaped by way too few accurate, factual data points.
Unfortunately, the views of many in the Middle East about America are also a bit distorted. They are shaped only by what they see on CNN. The America shown on cable news is not the America you and I live in. Nor are the behaviors of headline-grabbing Middle East extremists remotely close to the gentle lives lived by the hundreds of millions in the disciplined majority. On both sides of the ocean, the media has power and uses it to select which lens and which dirty window we should squint through. Since knowledge is power, it is better to rely less on others and more on yourself to accumulate as many facts as possible. Avoid the temptation to believe what others want you to believe. Decide for yourself.
Data point advice: Seek to understand more and judge less. Separate, and keep separated, fact from filtered opinion. Draw your own conclusions, based upon relevant facts. Resist the temptation to let others tell you how you are supposed to feel.
Maps & Lenses. Our view of the world is shaped by two things: our upbringing, followed by life’s significant emotional events.
Our upbringing through the years of 0-to-13 accumulates life experiences and influences based on family (or lack thereof), surrounding support systems and infrastructure, culture, socioeconomic status, environment, education, teachers, coaches, religion, friends, enemies, and cultural expectations. The list is long but how we process all these things during our formative years projects us forward to who we become as adults. They create “our map of the world” and provide the lenses through which we look at life, each other, and things happening around us.
After those formative years have shaped how we look at things, significant emotional events will change them. These are the big events — positive and negative — that cause us to stop, reflect, and self-assess. Getting married or having children are positive. Getting divorced or laid off work or losing a loved one can be emotionally debilitating. These are the things that reshape us as we advance through different stages of life.
Soon the world’s population will surpass seven billion, which means we are surrounded by seven billion brilliantly unique sets of maps and lenses. These exist in each of us, and should be respected as such. Who among us has the right to judge another person’s upbringing as right or wrong?
No one, of course. Everyone is unique. There is a magic to that that is undeniably good.
Maps & Lenses advice: Embrace different as good, not bad. Maps and lenses shape our core beliefs and should be understood in ourselves and respected in others. Since core beliefs rarely change, arguing about them creates little except for acrimony by the unknowing. Seek to understand more and judge less, and your interpersonal effectiveness will rise. Ignore these things and you’ll be pigeonholed by narrow-minded thinking.
Expectations. You find in life what you look for. Look for the good, see the good. Look for the bad, see the bad. To illustrate this point, think back to a past busted relationship. When lovers meet, each sees the good in the other. Over time, as the relationship deteriorates, what scorned lovers see suddenly changes. Where once he or she saw the good, now they see only the bad. Negative thoughts accelerate, negative conclusions are drawn, and eventually lovers become exes. Anger buries the good old days so deeply that a long remaining lifetime may never restore them.
Expectations advice: Closed minds miss opportunities. Open minds mean all things remain possible. Be less hyper-critical and judgmental, and more governed by curiosity. Embrace different as good rather than bad — and understand that it’s okay if someone sees things differently than we do. Do that and you can remain true to your core beliefs while increasing your understanding of others, too.
It’s a much better formula for life.
Coming next, part 2 of 3: How perceptions are (or are not) affirmed.