If you haven’t read Eric Clapton’s autobiography, treat yourself to a copy from the bookstore or library. His life covers a great arc: from a snake-eyed childhood and odds-against upbringing to drunken, drug-addled guitar hero to a sober genius inspiring and helping thousands who desperately need it.
Much of the noise between our ears stems from how well or poorly we juggle our three heads. Don’t be fooled if you see just one in the mirror. Everyone worries about finding a balance between:
1. How we want to appear to others
2. How we do appear to others
3. Who we really are.
Clapton’s dramatic life has unfolded to illustrate how the mind shuffles between these three. At 14 Eric was returning to London from an out of town music show and saw “Clapton is God” painted on a subway wall. An unwanted love child from a loveless liaison raised in an alcoholic environment, he had left London with an inferiority complex and zero self-confidence. The graffiti tagger changed that. Eric decided he must be great and what he really should do is act like a big shot.
Like many rock star peers in the sixties and seventies, bad behavioral choices lured Clapton into the off-stage habits of a human trash can. His rock star years disappeared in excess consumption. He nearly killed himself; cheating himself out of artistic wizardry his genius was denied creating. Clapton was far too submerged to care, the booze, powders, and pills stronger than he. Like many addicts, he ignored the symptoms until he could fall no further. He bottomed out with the accidental death of his toddler son Conor, who fell out of a high-rise window in New York City. Clapton was devastated beyond the depths of anything he’d dealt with before. Finally he heard the pleas of friends.
“Get help, Eric, and get it now.”
Looking back, Clapton now refers to his addictive helplessness as “the lost decade.”
Needing help and knowing it, Eric shifted his emotional focus from the first head (how he wanted to appear to others, the rock star) to the second (how he did appear to others, a drowning addict). This was his first emotional transformation. Another was still to come.
Until he could step forward and deal with his demons, Clapton’s alcoholism and chemical addictions camouflaged his third head—the head that prioritizes the man he truly is.
It took Eric two trips through rehab and a life rededicated to a true north that honors the memory of his late son in order to find and embrace that third head—who Eric Clapton really is. That first day of true sobriety, he says, is when his real life truly began. He soon founded his Crossroads addiction clinic and for more than two decades now has worked tirelessly to help thousands fight battles with addictions similar to those that nearly killed him. Eric’s life is devoted to helping others find their third head—who they really are—much as he needed help to find his.
Like all of us, Eric Clapton’s life has had its highs and lows. Rather than bask in his fame or stew over life’s mistakes, he wakes each day and perseveres. Life got a lot simpler for Eric once he worried less about juggling the demands of three heads and focused on the one that truly matters.
Eric’s autobiography (“Clapton”) lays bare very human frailties. It’s compelling, inspiring reading; if you get the chance to read it, think about those three heads and how difficult they are to juggle without dropping. Tiger Woods tried and failed miserably. He will forever pay the price.
Manage your three heads however makes you happiest. Once you do it, teach others the importance of doing so, too.