Twenty years ago in Ponte Vedra, Florida a pal of mine smoothly wedged a golf ball from high on a hilltop toward a pond ninety yards away. The ball sailed in a parachuting parabola toward a sleeping bull gator dozing in the sun.
It proved a perfect shot, the ball landing with a loud thwack, cracking the gator on its noggin before ricocheting high in the sky. The gator flashed awake. He saw us and zoomed full-speed in a blur; an angry, reptilian Usain Bolt bent on revenge.
We madcap-skedaddled like two of the Three Stooges to the nearby clubhouse, flinging open its double doors. We raced down two flights of stairs and hid in the men’s locker room.
This was a fitting conclusion to the day’s round, a pain-extracting confrontation similar to how my pal described his failing marriage. He groused about it all day, blaming their imploding relationship on how each dealt with worry. He worried about nothing, his wife worried about everything, and all they did was fight.
I was intrigued. Everybody worries but some worry more than others. Some handle it better, too. I drove home from the course that day curious why; and so began two decades of research into “The Worry Circle.” The Circle is the imaginary bubble inside your mind that houses what you worry about.
Worry is a human condition; everyone does it. Worries come and worries go but the need to worry is relentless. Eliminate one worry from the Circle and another slides in its place. The Circle must remain full. Worry is inevitable, so the art is figuring out the smartest way to manage it.
I have traveled the world asking 4,000 people on four continents (from all six) what they worry about and why. I know a tremendous amount about the topic and have taught it across the globe. The existence of the Worry Circle is inarguable, as worry is a universal reality. People worry about different things, but the need to worry is relentless. Fortunately, anyone who decides to improve his or her ability to manage private air space can learn to do so quickly.
People worry about three kinds of things: things they can control, things they can influence, and things they cannot control. The mind treats them differently. Some worries are good but others are toxic. On average, forty percent of the noise rattling around in someone’s head does not belong.
Worry is a choice, not a mandate, and Managing the Worry Circle is a life skill easily learned. This column will teach you how.
Next: How the mind processes the three kinds of worry.