July 4th: Independence Day
In my book The Impact of Technology on Behavior & Happiness I spent a lot of time researching and writing about the rise of Facebook and its permeation across the global landscape. How the site operates today is radically different than how it was built, and the dark side of today’s monstrous social media T-Rex rarely fails to cast mayhem upon lots of someones somewhere each and every day.
Founder Mark Zuckerberg sells one thing (community) but delivers another (targeted ads) and the behavioral analytics his company uses and packages to advertisers borders on insidious. Facebook is not a happy or innocent place. Facebook is a profit-driven machine that paves its streets with the emotions and vulnerabilities of its customers.
Cutting the cord is easy for some, hard for some, and next to impossible for others. Facebook is a distractive habit for more than a billion subscribers. Like any habit, stopping cold turkey can be a challenge.
Since my friendship circle is global, storing Zuckerberg in the deep freeze for awhile is disappointing in that the world suddenly reverts back to being big again.
Today, Independence Day, I disengaged — a process Facebook makes far more complicated than it need be — and over the next 31 days I will take you with me as we go through social media withdrawal.
Day 1: Good news: It’s a relief to stop wasting time on what is becoming a minefield of annoying advertisements, food, dog, and baby photos, silly sayings, and bad selfies (which is sort of an oxymoron). Bad news: I already wonder what good things my second circle of friends around the world will experience while I am unplugged. What I did with the time I didn’t waste: I worked on developing a new motion picture story I am excited to write. Never in a million years would I trade creative happiness for time-wasting guilt.
July 11: First week. Having deleted the Facebook links on the computer and phone, peace and tranquility reign supreme. I wonder about a few people, especially those outside the USA whom I connected with primarily through Facebook, but I’ve been so busy doing other things I’m comforted we will reconnect through some means or another when the time arises. What I did with the time I didn’t waste: I finished storyboarding the new film project. Stories for me incubate and hatch when they’re ready, but when I one starts coming alive it’s a very inspiring thing. I get really excited when stories blossom right before my eyes.
July 18: Second week. Cranial air space is cleaner, less cluttered, and happier to be away from FB than when scrolling through the “news of the day” that Zuckerberg ordained to share. Since most of that stuff was inane and designed to either help FB collate behavioral information based upon reactions (or lack thereof), it’s sort of like having gotten rid of a mongrel dog that doesn’t like you. Once you get over the feeling of obligation, you realize all you were doing was feeding and watering something that wouldn’t love you back. Temptations to log on and “check in” are nearly nil. The first day was the toughest. At the end of the first week, there’s a curiosity factor that occasionally dances by. At the two-week mark, FB is like a TV channel I do not watch. Easy, peazy, as we like to say. What I did with the time I didn’t waste: Invested the time in tightening the new story — a positive, happy story — and I can see it, which is always exciting. Once I see it, I can write it. And writing it — creating something uplifting out of nothing but long, phoneless walks with the dogs, mindful thought, and shuttle trips between the head and heart — makes me happy. So maybe that’s the two-week net/net: Trade something that doesn’t make you happy for something that does. A marvelous deal.
July 25: Third week. Facebook seems a thousand years gone, rarely thought about. Curiosity about the handful of people I found quite interesting flashes by in lightning strikes of “I wonder,” but most of the time life’s bigger realization is that I have significantly regained control of thoughts, feelings, peace and quiet, and inner focus. It’s really refreshing to get back to really being in constant, true touch with these important things. What I did with the time I didn’t waste:Mindful thinking, creative writing.
August 1: Fourth week. Major thoughts this week concerning the emotional journey from Facebook disablement centered around the role of social interaction in daily life. We need social interaction, so the big question now seems to be whether or not Facebook (or another digital portal) is the best one to use. Stress is down, frustration is down, and emotional volatility from unsolicited views thrust upon me is down. Mindfulness is up, more productive uses of time are up, and life seems easier. The bridge between self and others must stay strong, which means there is a clear need to find alternative means of accomplishing social connection. These can’t simply be digital interactions. Valued human interactions, via phone and in person, seem far more effective. Neither is as easy as beating keys on a keyboard but all seem far more valuable in emotional equity and happiness. More on this at the end of a full month’s time. It is apparent that I need to call people on the telephone far more frequently.
August 4: One full month. The last day of No Facebook Month was a challenging one, as a very close friend was severely injured in a motorcycle accident. The news went wide in a hurry on Facebook but I didn’t see it and learned about it from a sunrise text sent by his family. I waited to speak with them before cascading information out to a hundred or so common connections. I wanted to know the facts surrounding what happened, as well as what my pal now faces. He was riding on a green light 45 miles-per-hour through an intersection and was clobbered by a driver who turned left and didn’t see him. After several aerial cartwheels, he landed on his side and lived. Like so many things we read and hear about, this unplanned and undeserved life-changing tragedy was thrust upon him by someone else.
Why does this matter in the context of Facebook or No Facebook? The biggest takeaway from my No Facebook month is that it brings mindfulness back to the forefront of daily living. Mindfulness — a sense or who we are, where are what, what we are doing and feeling — is what we trade to Zuckerberg in order to dive through his data collecting portal into Facebook’s world of open bar chit-chat. If you need that type of crowded room interaction, Facebook is convenient and helps. If you don’t — if you prefer peace, quiet , and calmness to the boisterous arena of public discussion, stink bombs of stupidity, and random comments from some who talk a lot but say very little — then mindfulness delivers a greater return on time invested.
So, after a month in the weeds hiding from those rolling by on the Facebook bandwagon, what’s next? Return to the fray or stay on the sidelines? Hard to say. Heard today from a friend in London, which was nice, and I’m pretty excited about the new movie I’m working on, so I think for now I’ll just keep focusing on smart time choices, doing good work and deeds, and happiness. There’s a lot to be said for sleeping like a happy baby throughout a nice, calm night.
If it’s been awhile since you had a break from social media, you may want to give it a go. Stop for whatever time works for you: a week, two weeks, a month, whatever. Cut the cord and dial into your daily thoughts, feelings, and happiness. Weigh the value of the new time choices you make to fill that time as compared to the return you got from social media.
This is an interesting experience. Invest the time to see how it feels.
Best always,
