9 October 2013
People who write movie scripts tend to watch a lot of films and like to share opinions. Listed below are one-sentence reviews for 10 recent and current films, each judged by my almost famous “5-finger” scoring system.
Ratings: 5 fingers = a great film easily worth the money. 4 fingers = excellent. 3 fingers = just a movie. 2 fingers = disappointing. 1 finger = well, decency dictates I skip using one finger so instead of a 1-finger rating I use 0 (a closed fist) = we should punch everyone involved.
After a loud but awful summer of film, we turn to autumn — where the releases are traditionally better. Here are one-sentence recaps of eleven:
The Grandmaster – 4 fingers. Sweeping epic homage to kung fu features breathtaking scenery and wonderful performances, enjoyable to all who appreciate skilled and passionate Chinese filmmaking.
We’re the Millers – 3 fingers. Crude, rude humor finally gives American cherub Jennifer Aniston a chance to shine in this laugh-out-loud raunchfest that outperforms its premise: a fake family drives a mobile home to Mexico on “vacation” (wink, wink) and drives back across the border carrying two tons of weed.
Terraferma – 4 fingers if you are good with gritty subject matter and subtitles, 3 if you are not. This compelling Italian drama focuses on how the unexpected choice to save or not save four desperate, indigent Africans at sea divides a blue-collar fishing family and destroys their plans to live a better life.
The Spectacular Now – 4 fingers. Beautifully made film of high school senior angst driven by family demons showcases Shailene Woodley in a starring role (after supporting George Clooney as one of his kids in The Descendents) and she carries this fine film beautifully.
Jobs – 2 fingers. Plodding biopic of Apple’s founders rise, fall, and reemergence as CEO relies on Ashton Kutcher to play a mad genius and lands with the impact of a little kid pushing a bowling ball with both hands from the foul line.
Closed Circuit – 2 fingers. London government bad guys are revealed by a couple of lawyers who sleep together in this forgettable espionage effort that never gets out of third gear but fortunately ends after 90 minutes.
Prisoners – 2 fingers. Yes we are, in this 2½-hour film that WOULD NOT END about the violent search for two kidnapped little girls that features a hundred illogical inconsistencies that stymie the efforts of an underserved all-star cast.
Finding Mrs Claus – 3 fingers. An innocent and predictable family film featuring Santa Claus’s neglected Mrs. (Mira Sorvino) on a curious Christmas season walkabout among hornballs and nutcases in Las Vegas.
Shuffleton’s Barbershop – 3 fingers. This gentle family film jam-packed with one-liners of parental advice and life lessons covers a lot of terrain in a reminiscence story built around a young country music star who tires of fame and wants to go home and regain hold of a happier, simpler lifestyle – as well as his late younger brother’s wife and young son.
Gravity – 3 fingers. People love it or tire of it halfway through but there’s no disputing the computer graphics are groundbreaking and the real star of this sci-fi effort that is otherwise hampered by a mediocre story and so-so acting.
Enough Said – 4 fingers. Boomers will appreciate this gentle second-time-around love story thanks to a strong cast, solid story and script, and strong, universal messages teaming together to help say a long overdue hello to the big screen for the wonderful Julia Louis-Dreyfus and a sad but necessary goodbye to the gentle giant, the late James Gandolfini. (p.s. Look for Bono’s daughter Eve as “Tess,” Gandolfini’s daughter).