If we define empathy as the ability to relate strongly to the emotions of others, the obvious question is, “Why does it matter?”
Human emotions run a spectrum of glad to sad, enveloping things like pain, sorrow, fear, desire, ambition, and feelings. We experience these things, as do others. Empathy links us together.
Family therapist Neil Rosenthal devised a 16-question quiz to measure our empathetic tendencies. I really liked it and thought it was worth sharing.
Rate each question below based on this A, B, C, D, or E scoring system:
- A = Not at all.
- B = Somewhat.
- C = Fifty-fifty.
- D = A good deal.
- E = Very much.
Here we go:
- I enjoy caring for other people.
- I can usually appreciate the other person’s viewpoint, even if I don’t agree with it.
- I am quick to spot when someone else is feeling awkward or uncomfortable.
- People tell me that I often go too far in driving home my point in a discussion.
- I am easily affected by the emotions of others.
- I find it easy to put myself in someone else’s shoes.
- I can tell if someone is masking his or her true emotions.
- I am able to make decisions without being influenced by the feelings of those who are close to me.
- Friends usually confide in me about their troubles or problems.
- It upsets me if I hear of an animal being mistreated, or if I see an animal in pain.
- I find myself having the same emotions as the characters in the movies I see or the books I read.
- Sometimes I don’t understand why some people get offended by a remark or a comment I make.
- When I talk with people, we tend to talk about their feelings or experiences rather than mine.
- I am a natural born counselor.
- I get angry over injustice.
- Other people have said that I was insensitive, even though I don’t understand exactly why.
Scoring for questions 1, 2, 3, 5, 6, 7, 9, 10, 11, 13, 14, and 15:
A = 0 points. B = 1 point. C = 2 points. D = 3 points. E = 4 points.
Scoring for questions 4, 8, 12, and 16:
A = 4 points. B = 3 points. C = 2 points. D = 1 point. E = 0 points.
Rating Yourself: Total your numerical scores for all sixteen questions and refer to the chart below.
0-24 points. Low levels of empathy, you can be distant while finding it hard to relate to the pain and struggles of others.
25-40 points. Understand how others feel at least some of the time, although not always immediately.
41+ points. Higher levels of empathy. Easy to pick up cues from others’ emotions. Also likely to bond with animals.
Empathy proved to be a learned skill for me — a terrible weakness as a younger man — as I was way too selfish and “me-centric” to care about the predicaments of others. It wasn’t until people I cared about caught a couple really tough, unfair breaks that I learned to look at life more compassionately.
So if I can learn it, anyone can learn it.
Empathy benefits both the sender and receiver and is a cornerstone value of a charity organization I founded in 1991 that has raised and donated over $1.3 million to a wide variety of wonderful organizations.
Our club goes by the saying, “We all take turns in the barrel.”
And to that we add, “When your turn in the barrel comes, the number of hands reaching in to pull you out will equal the number of times you have reached in to help others.”
Empathy is wonderful stuff. Thrive on it.